‘I can’t get over my affair’

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During this time that I had reconnected with my OM I was heading fast towards divorce. How do I stop the sadness? I finally broke it off after he was out on a date with his wife and friends. I guess since I forgave her mistakes, I all I can do right now is hang on and hope she forgives mine.

My husband found it also very helpful for himself. During this time, you are in a vulnerable position. That fact really lift the veil and put her in a very bad light for him. The most common technique is to aim for perfect and hope that will be our protection from further hurt.

‘I can’t get over my affair’

I am 28 years old and have known my husband since I was 13. I met a man who showed interest in me in Jan of 2007. One day, I reconnected with this man and gave him my number. The next day, he called. We started out just getting to know one another. I started to fall in love with this man, knowing it was wrong. Been with his wife since they were very young and married 14 years now. We both tried to stop but neither one of us could stand to be apart. In April of 2007, this became sexual. It felt so natural and comfortable to be with him. Just to be around him made me tingle. The day he told me he was in love with me, I was ecstatic because I loved him too, or I think I do, more than I had ever loved. His wife found out. He called me at 6 in the morning and said she knows. He said he needs time to figure things out. I was so confused, but told him whatever it took, I would be there for him. He tells me thank you for giving him time to figure himself out. That was 6 weeks ago. I just want to talk to him. I feel so guilty because my husband is a good man and dad and provider. I truly think if I would have never met this other man I would have never second-guessed my marriage. But now I do. This is affecting every aspect of my life — work, home, friends, family, and my marriage. I just have been going through the motions of life. Everyday, I think of him. I even dream of him. I have begged God to take him out of my head so that I can get my feelings back for my husband. Please help, I am dying inside. I am consumed by this. Thank you for the opportunity to serve. After reading your email, I felt so much compassion for where you are right now. But I also must compliment you. Work, home, friends, family, and my marriage. I just have been going through the motions of life. Going through the motions, faking it until you make it, smiling on the outside even when your heart is breaking on the inside, are all signs of a survivor. It knows the feelings you feel are inappropriate, selfish, and unfair to the man at home. It knows all this. The heart is a magical place, and it loves like a child — without rules, judgment, or regard to consequences. The heart wants what it wants. And it never questions what it feels. Now, you can see how this can tear a person apart. On one hand, you want to be a good wife. And that would mean loving your husband with the same intensity as you love this other man. But on the other hand, you want to feel good, and to be with the one who makes you feel this good. Your heart or your head? I even dream of him. I have begged God to take him out of my head so that I can get my feelings back for my husband. Romantic love is like a hunger that obeys no appetite but its own. The feeling is intense. Being with the object of your desire thrills you like nothing else can. I cant stop thinking about him. As long as I have him, I know I can handle anything. I would do whatever it takes to have him. But actually, these are quotes from drug addicts going through rehab. This means your emotions are clouding your judgment, suppressing your logical mind, and shrouding you in a trance. Eventually, it passes, but the first step to overcoming it is to first see it for what it is. So, back to the question: When is it more than a feeling? When is it true love? True love is a decision, you decide for it or against it. It survives betrayal, mistrust, and rejection. It embraces pain and burns it as fuel. Another thing about true love: Rather than tearing you apart — dividing your head and heart — when you decide to truly love, it unites your head and heart. It gives you purpose and self-respect. This means if you ever loved your husband, you can know that feeling again. You can reawaken the passion, romance, playfulness, and sincerity of heart within your marriage. It helps to remember that true love is a decision — not a feeling that overwhelms you. True love comes out of r elationship built on trust, honesty, respect and acceptance. When both people have opened their hearts, minds and souls to each other, what they discover reflected in there… is true love. Keeping all this in mind… Here are 3 recommendations I have for you: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Your first step is to make a simple yet powerful decision — decide to exit that extra-marital relationship gracefully. Decide you will not cling, stalk, email, beg, or bargain your way out. But rather, you will simply get up and close that door. It takes great strength to walk away with dignity — not feeling like a loser, but rather, like a survivor. Letting go is a process. You must practice day by day, minute by minute, the letting go of the dreams, thoughts, fantasies, wishes, and yearning for the other man. Do this whenever you think about him or the times you had together to interrupt your daydreaming, pining, reminiscing, etc. Wish him to move on. Instead, throw it into the sea, or burn it. This means, transfer ALL your energy, attention and affection to your husband! But love is patient. And when the child comes back, he or she experiences the thrill of rediscovering the love which was always there. Be honest, then do it. I have faith you will take these steps sooner than later. My husband had an affair for 4 months. I was totally devastated and felt my whole world was destroyed. I decided to check the internet for help and found Suzie's website. I loved the fact that even though her website was free, it was so very informative. It truly was a wealth of information and answered a lot of questions that I had, and validated feelings that I was having. My husband found it also very helpful for himself. We were offered the 12-session private coaching course and found out about the cost. We decided this was something that would be incredibly helpful in… What can I say? My life was in shambles and the slew of bad choices I had made left me empty and miserable. In trying to save my marriage, I came upon Suzie on the web, and it was as if someone had left a light on in the dark. Desperate for any help, I booked a session with Suzie. Just in that first hour, I knew I found the help my wife and I needed. It was as if she knew me. And her frankness and compassion made me feel at ease and open. More so, her philosophy and… Suzie Hi! Just a note to tell you that we are doing great since our 3-day weekend intensive with you. As for me, I am feeling safer and I am starting finally to relax and enjoy the renewed energy. Nadia I believe that nothing that happens in this world is a coincidence. It was by the grace of God that I found Suzie Johnson during one of the most challenging and difficult experiences of my life. My husband of 15 years betrayed my trust by having sex with another woman whom he had known for only a couple of days. I was desperately scouring the internet for information about how to deal with infidelity when I… The day I discovered my husband had been cheating on me was the day I thought my entire life was over. We had only been married for 7 months. The pure shock of that moment struck me like a bolt of lightning. Although the chances of being hit by lightning are much more slim. My first reaction was obviously: divorce. That's the only option at that moment, right? After the initial bolt of electricity runs through your body, you have to realize that you can survive after going through such a traumatic experience. You just can't go through it….

He looks gauntly, angryand stressed. Looks like a year since your post. Again I was talked and charmed into believing him. I want so bad to be rid of this guilt I carry each and solo but at what cost. That is how I feel. I found out about his EA on Oct 2, our 18th year annver. I too am a married woman and if my husband had an affair I would not be so easy to forgive the OW but none of us on here are the OW in her glad so she too needs to vent and learn how to deal with her emotions. But I sit here and it's constantly on my mind. And just as he made me feel great, I getting over affair partner him feel great. We both confessed every strong feelings for one another and even met each other we loved each other. I guess since I forgave her mistakes, I all I can do right now is hang on and hope she forgives mine.